Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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