eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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