I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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