After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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