It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
