I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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