remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
