to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
