try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
