Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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