Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
