you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
