You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He called his prostate his "boner button".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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