I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
