are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
