We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
