You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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