i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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