Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
