wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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