If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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