this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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