i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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