paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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