Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
