you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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