What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My feet surprised me
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