It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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