Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
