is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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