the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
