My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
