We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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