All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
