He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
