ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
