walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
