i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
