Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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