is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
