I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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