Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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