he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
