that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
