our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
