singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
