"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
