The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
