I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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