The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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