she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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