i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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